Let’s be honest, who doesn’t sometimes?
Did you know that when you take things personal it’s because your upbringing taught you that you were responsible for things outside your control. Perhaps you grew up walking on eggshells or feeling like it was your job to keep the peace in a chaotic environment.
Unfortunately, that foundation that carries forward into adulthood creating a chain reaction where you’re on autopilot when your youthful pain points are triggered.
3 Clues You’ve Taken Something Personal That Wasn’t Intended To Be:
- You think the reason behind what’s going on is about you and it can’t possibly be about something else.
- You decided that the current situation is all your fault, as if no one else was part of the situation or had any responsibility for the outcome. Even though other people were involved.
- You feel hurt, put upon or taken advantage of for your good doings. Because you have a history of not feeling appreciated for ignoring your own needs and aren’t aware it’s a blindspot.
Here’s the thing, when you take something personal the best traits inside you get locked up by pain. You won’t feel able to uplift yourself or anyone else in the situation because your own hurt takes precedence and hides the truth.
What can you do about it?
How to Depersonalize What’s Not About You
Step 1:Develop self-awareness that you’ve taken something personal. And are about to head into an emotional tailspin.
Step 2: Take a deep breath. And ask yourself, who else is involved here? So that you don’t put all the accountability on yourself.
Step 3:Own accountability for your response and ask for clarification. When you take something personal you’ve replaced the current context with memories from your past. As a result, you’re hearing through a distorted lens and need clarification.
Tips For How To Own Accountability and Ask For Clarification
- I think I may have misunderstood, could you please say that again?
- I heard you say…is that what you meant or did I misunderstand?
- I think we’re seeing the same picture through different lenses, can you say that another way so I’m sure I understand what you intended?
- Could you give me an example so I can understand better?
Notice in each example, there’s accountability that’s free from blame, accusations or finger-pointing. Sure it takes practice to develop self-restraint. But doing so will elevate the quality of love you share in your words and actions. Plus, when you aren’t taking something personal you’ll protect love instead of accidentally attacking yourself or the people who matter to you.
Wishing you a happy day,
Christi Maybo, The Inner Clarity Coach™